Unexpected Reasons Why We Become

Deeply Upset With People Who Are Closest To Us

by Deborah Marocchi

  • Are you hurting in your relationship and convinced your partner, coworker, or “the other person” is to blame?

  • Do you have a hard time moving on after you've had a fight with someone?

  • Are you not able to “kiss & makeup” and feel the need to keep your distance for a while?

  • Do you remain a bit detached, even feel the need to withdraw your affection & attention for a time?

  • Is there a part of you that thinks you shouldn't give in so easily after you've been upset?  Perhaps that you should even make the other person work hard to get your full attention again?

If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, then you probably feel that you just can't let go of the hurt.  You can't get over what has been said or done, or what the other person didn't do.  You may not be feeling loved or liked, and it hurts.  And you're certainly not ready to forgive.

It’s time to consider something quite radical.

Something you might, at first, want to completely deny.

In fact, you might get so angry that you'll want to stop reading this message.

Guess what? 

The other person likely has nothing to do with how hurt you feel.

When you are this hurt and convinced that the other person is the cause of your pain, you're almost certainly doing something called “projecting”.

Projecting is a defense mechanism where the ego defends itself by denying a quality in ourselves while, at the same time, attributing them to another.  For example, a person may consistently be rude while accusing other people of being rude. 

When we project, we wholeheartedly believe our problem is something specific, but the issue actually stems from something else.

Projection happens when we blame others for old hurts.  We don't do it consciously.  It “feels” as if the other person is the cause of our upset, because he or she is right there with us and so they must be the problem.  What else could it be?  The truth is, conflict triggers unresolved issues from our past, including childhood wounds and disappointments from past relationships. 

Projection keeps us from understanding the true source of our pain.  When we're convinced the other person is to blame, we are unable to see how our past has contributed to what we feel now.  We are not able to see that the issues are now, indeed, triggers for us.

Projection prevents us from resolving those underlying issues, thus recycling the same negative patterns again and again.  And unless we recognize and address the projection, we will keep repeating the same patterns in the relationship or from partner to partner - preventing us from truly moving on from fights and truly connecting with those we love or work with day to day.

Find out more in Debie Marocchi’s workshop, “Healing Yourself Through Relationship Awareness”.   You will learn how to break the cycle so you can finally resolve long standing relationship problems, not only with love partners, but with coworkers, parents, children, etc.

Deborah Marocchi M.Sc. has a Masters Degree in Metaphysical Sciences, which also certifies her as a Minister.  Debi’s passion is to teach on the subjects of relationships and core beliefs, The Law of Attraction and many other fun and interesting subjects in Metaphysics.

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